Looking Inward to Redefine the Status Quo
I felt like I had finally arrived. I was adding value at my job and nothing significant about who I was had changed. What changed was that image of what worth and success looked like – it now included me.
Lucy Cevallos shares her journey to reconstructing the image of success and overcoming stereotypes
Too often the imagery we’re fed on what success and worth looks like holds us back from truly leaning into our greatness and going after our dreams. When people think of a product manager at a tech company, I’ll venture to say the first image that pops up is not a brown Latina with curly hair, long nails, and big colorful earrings. I can’t lie and say that I never fed into this stereotype myself or that I never perpetuated similar stereotypes across definitions of success. But what I’ve realized especially the past year is that when we look inward, care for ourselves, and dismantle the beliefs that come from this harmful narrative, we unlock a new realm of happiness.
I felt the pressure to shrink myself to fit in. And for the first few months I gave in... It got to a point where I didn’t feel at home anywhere, not even with myself.
I started my job as a product manager in Boston a little over a year ago and remember feeling terrified by all my transitions. As native Texan, the Northeast was colder in more ways than one and the corporate and tech cultures were uncharted territory for me. I felt like I was receiving all these messages that I didn’t belong— in the city, in my job, and I started to believe them. These stereotypes ruthlessly manifested in my mind, and I quickly forgot how qualified I was to be there. I just earned my master’s degree from a distinguished program, interned at the company the summer before, and not to mention I got the job offer. But it seemed that as I walked through the door those qualifications along with all my known strengths dissipated. I found myself starting to question all that made me, me: from my corny humor, to my southern “good mornings” to strangers, to my natural tendency to disrupt cultural norms. I felt the pressure to shrink myself to fit in. And for the first few months I gave in. Things that came effortlessly to me before became excruciatingly painful and awkward – like giving presentations, meeting new people, and sharing dissenting opinions. It got to a point where I didn’t feel at home anywhere, not even with myself. That’s when I was reminded by some good friends that it was okay to not be okay. And it was okay to ask for help. With their encouragement, I searched for and found a therapist and began a journey of self-love whose benefits soon seeped into all parts of my life.
I’ve always considered myself a disruptor at heart, and with the lack of diversity in tech there’s a lot of room for it.
After a lot of inner work that focused on embracing all parts of who I am, especially the ones I was most self-conscious of, I started to feel at home in the spaces and situations that once gave me the most anxiety. It was like I could just be for once. To just be looked like my positive energy saying “Good morning y’all!” breaking the silence on Zoom meetings and cracking a few smiles because clearly no one had said anything yet. To just be evolved to me gaining clarity on my purpose and brand as an inclusive and disruptive product manager. I’ve always considered myself a disruptor at heart, and with the lack of diversity in tech there’s a lot of room for it. Before, I was fearful to share this part of me because shaking up the norm didn’t seem like something that would necessarily be celebrated. Many questions would run through my mind daily. Like would people take the time to listen to my ideas, no matter how unpopular? Would I be taken seriously? Would there be any repercussion for giving feedback? This newfound confidence quieted these questions rooted in my historical anxiety, but this confidence didn’t just arise out of thin air. I think it developed from a series of steps to fully lean into myself. One of the first steps was volunteering to co-lead our Latinx employee resource group where I got to focus on celebrating my heritage, social identity, and build community across affinity groups. The process of leaning into myself gained momentum. From collaborating with my colleagues on what started as a “passion project,” to pitching a proposal for building a more representative and inclusive platform to leadership, I felt like I had finally arrived. I was adding value at my job and nothing significant about who I was had changed. What changed was that image of what worth and success looked like – it now included me.
When I think back to those first few months, I realize my energy was misplaced on things I had no control of – definitions of the status quo and perceptions of me. It was when I focused that energy on myself that I realized what brought me happiness and fulfillment was
to first be happy with myself. By nurturing myself and embracing all that made me, me, the consequence was that the “images” and stereotypes that once held me back lost power. It was liberating.
I realize my energy was misplaced on things I had no control of – definitions of the status quo and perceptions of me.
As I think about my self-work journey, I understand that there is still much for me to unlearn, and I try to check myself often. I sit with a lot of questions especially now as I celebrate Latinx Heritage Month as a non-Black, non-Indigenous, cis-Latina. What “images” of Latinx people do I perpetuate? How do I honor my heritage in a month that typically involves the erasure of Black, Indigenous, and LGBTQ+ Latinx? While the term Latinx seeks to create inclusion, oppression still persists in the greater Latinx community and makes many feel like they don’t belong. Again I can’t say it’s within my control to make an external impact on the oppressive systems that have been in place for hundreds of years, but it is within my control to challenge them. I can start by looking inward and putting in the work to understand what role I play in perpetuating the status quo and understanding how I can dismantle those narratives within myself. And that’s a commitment I’ve made that goes beyond this month.